Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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