I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize