he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize