fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
