If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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