Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
