The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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