can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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