So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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