Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i now understand why vodka
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
