Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
