Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
