Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
