Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize