its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
