The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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