Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
