Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
