Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
that is very illegal...i love you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
