like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
