when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
