He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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