6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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