I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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