yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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