yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
