My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
