dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
