What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
