This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
