At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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