I accidentally had phone sex last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
