The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
