Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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