this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
