drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
