I need to stop coming to work sober
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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