WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
