hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
