I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
