so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
