Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
