there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
