Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
