moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
