I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
