Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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