dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
