you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
