In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
