You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
