If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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