What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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