the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
