Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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