And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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