fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
