Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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