I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
