I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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