i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
