Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
