Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
