We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
