Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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