It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
