We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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