So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
