why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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