So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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