Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize