Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
