well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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