your parents love me but you hate me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
