the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize