So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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