I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
