the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
