He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
