Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
