once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
