were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
