Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
