Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
