Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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