I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
