I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize