Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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