I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's like iHOP with fire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
