More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
