You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
