what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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