a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
