we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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