What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't notice because vodka
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
