Swine flu. Run for my life!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
