why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
