I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
