i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize