This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
