I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
