i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
