Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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