There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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