my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
